Normal behavior in children depends on the child's age, personality, and physical and emotional development. A child's behavior may be a problem if it doesn't match the expectations of the family or if it is disruptive. Normal or "good" behavior is usually determined by whether it's socially, culturally and developmentally appropriate. Knowing what to expect from your child at each age will help you decide whether his or her behavior is normal.
My Baby......
A gift From God...appreciate it.
Friday, July 2, 2010
Thursday, July 1, 2010
Saya bosan menjaga anak-anak!!!
Kalau diikutkan hati memang mahu "resign" sebagai ibu.
Tapi kalau resign, siapa yang akan jaga anak-anak ni?
Tidak dapat di bayangkan yang anak-anak saya tiada ibu, yang mana hingus terpalit di pipinya...its very disgusting to see such things.
Pernah saya perhatikan anak-anak pendatang haram yang berkeliaran di bandaraya kita, gosh! they are selling plastic bags, asking for money and even eat the leftover from a costumer in a restaurant. I went back home and take my time to think back....I'm not going to left them!I will stay with them forever.
Last year school holidays, i don't have to work, I just stayed at home and taking care of my two young kids. The first week was hard, I got pain all over my body. I called my friends to share, she gave such a precious advice : they are your children,GIFTS from god.
Thanks to her.....I managed to be a very good mother till they go back to school!
But, my husband is a very good father. He always help me to take care of the kids when he was not working.
Morale value: always share your problems, don't keep it for yourself, there will be a solution.
Tapi kalau resign, siapa yang akan jaga anak-anak ni?
Tidak dapat di bayangkan yang anak-anak saya tiada ibu, yang mana hingus terpalit di pipinya...its very disgusting to see such things.
Pernah saya perhatikan anak-anak pendatang haram yang berkeliaran di bandaraya kita, gosh! they are selling plastic bags, asking for money and even eat the leftover from a costumer in a restaurant. I went back home and take my time to think back....I'm not going to left them!I will stay with them forever.
Last year school holidays, i don't have to work, I just stayed at home and taking care of my two young kids. The first week was hard, I got pain all over my body. I called my friends to share, she gave such a precious advice : they are your children,GIFTS from god.
Thanks to her.....I managed to be a very good mother till they go back to school!
But, my husband is a very good father. He always help me to take care of the kids when he was not working.
Morale value: always share your problems, don't keep it for yourself, there will be a solution.
Child's behaviour : what parents can do?
What is normal behavior for a child?
What can I do to change my child's behavior?
Children tend to continue a behavior when it is rewarded and stop a behavior when it is ignored. Consistency in your reaction to a behavior is important because rewarding and punishing the same behavior at different times confuses your child. When your child's behavior is a problem, you have 3 choices:
- Decide that the behavior is not a problem because it's appropriate to the child's age and stage of development.
- Attempt to stop the behavior, either by ignoring it or by punishing it.
- Introduce a new behavior that you prefer and reinforce it by rewarding your child.
How do I stop misbehavior?
The best way to stop unwanted behavior is to ignore it. This way works best over a period of time. When you want the behavior to stop immediately, you can use the time-out method.
How do I use the time-out method?
Decide ahead of time the behaviors that will result in a time-out--usually tantrums, or aggressive or dangerous behavior. Choose a time-out place that is uninteresting for the child and not frightening, such as a chair, corner or playpen. When you're away from home, consider using a car or a nearby seating area as a time-out place.
When the unacceptable behavior occurs, tell the child the behavior is unacceptable and give a warning that you will put him or her in time-out if the behavior doesn't stop. Remain calm and don't look angry. If your child goes on misbehaving, calmly take him or her to the time-out area.
If possible, keep track of how long your child's been in time-out. Set a timer so your child will know when time-out is over. Time-out should be brief--generally 1 minute for each year of age--and should begin immediately after reaching the time-out place or after the child calms down. You should stay within sight or earshot of the child, but don't talk to him or her. If the child leaves the time-out area, gently return him or her to the area and consider resetting the timer. When the time-out is over, let the child leave the time-out place. Don't discuss the bad behavior, but look for ways to reward and reinforce good behavior later on.
When the unacceptable behavior occurs, tell the child the behavior is unacceptable and give a warning that you will put him or her in time-out if the behavior doesn't stop. Remain calm and don't look angry. If your child goes on misbehaving, calmly take him or her to the time-out area.
If possible, keep track of how long your child's been in time-out. Set a timer so your child will know when time-out is over. Time-out should be brief--generally 1 minute for each year of age--and should begin immediately after reaching the time-out place or after the child calms down. You should stay within sight or earshot of the child, but don't talk to him or her. If the child leaves the time-out area, gently return him or her to the area and consider resetting the timer. When the time-out is over, let the child leave the time-out place. Don't discuss the bad behavior, but look for ways to reward and reinforce good behavior later on.
How do I encourage a new, desired behavior?
One way to encourage good behavior is to use a reward system.
This works best in children over 2 years of age.
It can take up to 2 months to work.
Being patient and keeping a diary of behavior can be helpful to parents.
Choose 1 to 2 behaviors you would like to change (such as bedtime habits, tooth brushing or picking up toys). Choose a reward your child would enjoy.
Examples of good rewards are an extra bedtime story, delaying bedtime by half an hour, a preferred snack or, for older children, earning points toward a special toy, a privilege or a small amount of money.
Explain the desired behavior and the reward to the child.
For example, "If you get into your pajamas and brush your teeth before this TV show is over, you can stay up a half hour later." Request the behavior only one time.
If the child does what you ask, give the reward.
You can help the child if necessary but don't get too involved.
Because any attention from parents, even negative attention, is so rewarding to children, they may prefer to have parental attention instead of a reward at first.
Transition statements, such as, "In 5 minutes, play time will be over," are helpful when you are teaching your child new behaviors.
This system helps you avoid power struggles with your child.
However, your child is not punished if he or she chooses not to behave as you ask;
he or she simply does not get the reward.
This works best in children over 2 years of age.
It can take up to 2 months to work.
Being patient and keeping a diary of behavior can be helpful to parents.
Choose 1 to 2 behaviors you would like to change (such as bedtime habits, tooth brushing or picking up toys). Choose a reward your child would enjoy.
Examples of good rewards are an extra bedtime story, delaying bedtime by half an hour, a preferred snack or, for older children, earning points toward a special toy, a privilege or a small amount of money.
Explain the desired behavior and the reward to the child.
For example, "If you get into your pajamas and brush your teeth before this TV show is over, you can stay up a half hour later." Request the behavior only one time.
If the child does what you ask, give the reward.
You can help the child if necessary but don't get too involved.
Because any attention from parents, even negative attention, is so rewarding to children, they may prefer to have parental attention instead of a reward at first.
Transition statements, such as, "In 5 minutes, play time will be over," are helpful when you are teaching your child new behaviors.
This system helps you avoid power struggles with your child.
However, your child is not punished if he or she chooses not to behave as you ask;
he or she simply does not get the reward.
What are some good ways to reward my child?
Beat the Clock (good method for a dawdling child)
Ask the child to do a task.
Set a timer. If the task is done before the timer rings, your child gets a reward.
To decide the amount of time to give the child, figure out your child's "best time" to do that task and add 5 minutes.
The Good Behavior Game (good for teaching a new behavior)
Write a short list of good behaviors on a chart and mark the chart with a star each time you see the good behavior. After your child has earned a small number of stars (depending on the child's age), give him or her a reward.
Good Marks/Bad Marks (best method for difficult, highly active children)
In a short time (about an hour) put a mark on a chart or on your child's hand each time you see him or her performing a good behavior. For example, if you see your child playing quietly, solving a problem without fighting, picking up toys or reading a book, you would mark the chart. After a certain number of marks, give your child a reward. You can also make negative marks each time a bad behavior occurs. If you do this, only give your child a reward if there are more positive marks than negative marks.
Developing Quiet Time (often useful when you're making supper)
Ask your child to play quietly alone or with a sibling for a short time (maybe 30 minutes). Check on your child frequently (every 2 to 5 minutes, depending on the child's age) and give a reward or a token for each few minutes they were quiet or playing well. Gradually increase the intervals (go from checking your child's behavior every 2 to 5 minutes to checking every 30 minutes), but continue to give rewards for each time period your child was quiet or played well.
Ask the child to do a task.
Set a timer. If the task is done before the timer rings, your child gets a reward.
To decide the amount of time to give the child, figure out your child's "best time" to do that task and add 5 minutes.
The Good Behavior Game (good for teaching a new behavior)
Write a short list of good behaviors on a chart and mark the chart with a star each time you see the good behavior. After your child has earned a small number of stars (depending on the child's age), give him or her a reward.
Good Marks/Bad Marks (best method for difficult, highly active children)
In a short time (about an hour) put a mark on a chart or on your child's hand each time you see him or her performing a good behavior. For example, if you see your child playing quietly, solving a problem without fighting, picking up toys or reading a book, you would mark the chart. After a certain number of marks, give your child a reward. You can also make negative marks each time a bad behavior occurs. If you do this, only give your child a reward if there are more positive marks than negative marks.
Developing Quiet Time (often useful when you're making supper)
Ask your child to play quietly alone or with a sibling for a short time (maybe 30 minutes). Check on your child frequently (every 2 to 5 minutes, depending on the child's age) and give a reward or a token for each few minutes they were quiet or playing well. Gradually increase the intervals (go from checking your child's behavior every 2 to 5 minutes to checking every 30 minutes), but continue to give rewards for each time period your child was quiet or played well.
What else can I do to help my child behave well?
Make a short list of important rules and go over them with your child.
Avoid power struggles, no-win situations and extremes.
When you think you've overreacted, it's better to use common sense to solve the problem,
even if you have to be inconsistent with your reward or punishment method.
Avoid doing this often as it may confuse your child.
Accept your child's basic personality, whether it's shy, social, talkative or active.
Basic personality can be changed a little, but not very much.
Try to avoid situations that can make your child cranky, such as becoming overly stimulated, tired or bored. Don't criticize your child in front of other people.
Describe your child's behavior as bad, but don't label your child as bad.
Praise your child often when he or she deserves it. Touch him or her affectionately and often. Children want and need attention from their parents.
Develop little routines and rituals, especially at bedtimes and meal times. Provide transition remarks (such as "In 5 minutes, we'll be eating dinner."). Allow your child choices whenever possible. For example, you can ask, "Do you want to wear your red pajamas or your blue pajamas to bed tonight?"
As children get older, they may enjoy becoming involved in household rule making. Don't debate the rules at the time of misbehavior, but invite your child to participate in rule making at another time.
Children who learn that bad behavior is not tolerated and that good behavior is rewarded are learning skills that will last them a lifetime.
Avoid power struggles, no-win situations and extremes.
When you think you've overreacted, it's better to use common sense to solve the problem,
even if you have to be inconsistent with your reward or punishment method.
Avoid doing this often as it may confuse your child.
Accept your child's basic personality, whether it's shy, social, talkative or active.
Basic personality can be changed a little, but not very much.
Try to avoid situations that can make your child cranky, such as becoming overly stimulated, tired or bored. Don't criticize your child in front of other people.
Describe your child's behavior as bad, but don't label your child as bad.
Praise your child often when he or she deserves it. Touch him or her affectionately and often. Children want and need attention from their parents.
Develop little routines and rituals, especially at bedtimes and meal times. Provide transition remarks (such as "In 5 minutes, we'll be eating dinner."). Allow your child choices whenever possible. For example, you can ask, "Do you want to wear your red pajamas or your blue pajamas to bed tonight?"
As children get older, they may enjoy becoming involved in household rule making. Don't debate the rules at the time of misbehavior, but invite your child to participate in rule making at another time.
Children who learn that bad behavior is not tolerated and that good behavior is rewarded are learning skills that will last them a lifetime.
Why shouldn't I use physical punishment?
Disciplining your child is really just teaching him or her to choose good behaviors.
If your child doesn't know a good behavior, he or she is likely to return to the bad behavior. Physical punishment becomes less effective with time and can cause the child to behave aggressively.
It can also be carried too far -- into child abuse.
Other methods of punishment are preferred and should be used whenever possible.
Its hard.....but enjoy it.
I love my children, but being a parent can be so hard!
Being a parent can be a joy, but it's also a tough job.
No parent is perfect. Everyone makes mistakes.
Even loving parents sometimes do things they don't mean to do, such as yell at a child.
But if you think you're having trouble controlling yourself, get help so a pattern of abuse doesn't start.
I get so frustrated sometimes. Is this normal?
Yes, all parents get frustrated.
Children take a lot of time and energy.
Parenting is even harder when you have problems in your own life,
such as worries about your job, your bills or your relationships,
or problems with alcohol or drugs.
To be a good parent, you have to first take care of yourself.
That means getting help for your problems.
What can I do when I feel frustrated?
Take a break.
Everyone needs a break from being a parent once in a while.
If you have another adult in your family, take turns getting away.
For example, have your partner stay with the children so you can visit friends.
Take turns sleeping late on the weekends.
If you're a single parent, ask friends and relatives to help by running some errands for you or watching your child while you go out.
I sometimes lose my temper. Does that mean I'm a bad parent?
No, many parents lose their temper with their children.
It's okay to feel angry, but it's not okay to take it out on your children.
When you're really angry, take a break.
For example, take your children for a walk or call a friend to come help you.
If you feel angry with your child almost every day or have trouble controlling your temper, get some help by talking to your family doctor.
He or she can offer advice and provide resources to help you.
There are groups that can help parents, also.
Is it okay to spank my child?
Spanking isn't the best way to discipline children.
The goal of discipline is to teach children self-control.
Spanking may teach children to stop doing something out of fear.
There are better ways to discipline children.
One good way for infants and toddlers is called "redirecting."
When you redirect a child, you replace an unwanted (bad) behavior with an acceptable (good) behavior. For example, if throwing a ball inside the house isn't allowed,
take your child outside to throw the ball.
If you have older children, explain the consequences of their actions and why it is important to take responsibility for them. For example, you can explain to your child that everyone had to wait for dinner because he or she didn't set the table when asked.
Explain that your child has to wash the dishes after dinner because he or she didn't set the table before dinner.
How can I be a good parent?
There's not just one right way to raise children.
And there's no such thing as a perfect parent or a perfect child.
But here are some guidelines to help your children grow up healthy and happy:
• Show your love. Every day, tell your children: "I love you. You're special to me." Give lots of hugs and kisses.
• Listen when your children talk. Listening to your children tells them that you think they're important and that you're interested in what they have to say.
• Make your children feel safe. Comfort them when they're scared. Show them you've taken steps to protect them.
• Provide order in their lives. Keep a regular schedule of meals, naps and bedtimes. If you have to change the schedule, tell them about the changes ahead of time.
• Praise your children. When your children learn something new or behave well, tell them you're proud of them.
• Criticize the behavior, not the child. When your child makes a mistake, don't say, "You were bad." Instead, explain what the child did wrong. For example, say: "Running into the street without looking isn't safe." Then tell the child what to do instead: "First, look both ways for cars."
• Be consistent. Your rules don't have to be the same ones other parents have, but they do need to be clear and consistent. (Consistent means the rules are the same all the time.) If 2 parents are raising a child, both need to use the same rules. Also, make sure baby-sitters and relatives know (and follow) your family rules.
• Spend time with your children. Do things together, such as reading, walking, playing and cleaning the house. What children want most is your attention. Bad behavior is usually an attempt to get your attention.
Who can I ask when I need help raising my child?
There are many ways to get good parenting advice. Sign up for parenting classes offered by hospitals, community centers or schools. Read parenting books or magazines. Talk to your family doctor, a minister, a priest or a counselor.
You can also ask your family doctor for parenting help.
Don't be embarrassed to ask. Raising children is hard, and no one can do it alone.
Your doctor can help you with issues like discipline, potty training, eating problems and bedtime. Your doctor can also help you find local groups that can help you learn good parenting skills.
Dear parents, these tips are really helps. i don't like kids before i had mine but i practice what i read and it's works!!!
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Saying "I'm sorry"
"I didn't do anything!" "It's not my fault!" "Say you're sorry!"
Is this sound familiar to you? If yes, you're like lots of kids who sometimes argue with their friends and family members. Let's face it — it's not always easy to get along with sisters and brothers, parents, and friends. Kids aren't perfect and they sometimes do things that get them into trouble. Saying "I'm sorry" can help.
Saying you're sorry is called apologizing. When you apologize, you're telling someone that you're sorry for the hurt you caused, even if you didn't do it on purpose. People who are apologizing might also say that they will try to do better. They might promise to fix or replace what was broken or take back a mean thing they said.
How Does It Make You Feel?
When you apologize to someone — and really mean it — it's because you have stopped to think about how the person may have felt because of what you did or said. When you stop to think about the other person's feelings, you begin to feel sorry for your behavior. You might even feel embarrassed or ashamed if you did something that you knew was wrong.
Even if what happened was an accident or you did something you didn't mean to do, you would probably still feel sorry if you knew the other person's feelings were hurt. After apologizing, you might feel a little better (the other person probably will, too). When you apologize in a caring way, you can feel good because you are trying to make things right again.
What Does an Apology Sound Like?
There are many ways to apologize. Here are some examples:
"I'm sorry about the mean thing I said to you."
"I'm sorry I lost your book."
"I was mad, but I shouldn't have called you a name. I'm sorry."
"I'm sorry I hurt your feelings."
"I'm sorry I yelled at you."
"I'm really sorry I hit you when I was mad. That was wrong. I won't do it anymore."
When you apologize to someone, he or she might apologize back to you: "That's OK, I'm sorry, too. I shouldn't have teased you." And then maybe you can both feel friendly again.
When Should You Apologize?
Kids might need to apologize if they hurt or teased someone or lost something that belonged to someone else. They might need to apologize if they broke something (even by accident — oops!), or if they did something they knew was wrong — like telling a lie or breaking a rule on purpose. Maybe they did something their parent told them not to do, or maybe they didn't do something they were supposed to do.
Kids might need to apologize to each other or to a grown-up. Grown-ups can apologize, too — to other grown-ups or even to kids. After all, even grown-ups make mistakes sometimes. By apologizing when they're wrong, grown-ups can set a good example and show kids how to do the right thing and apologize when they need to.
What If You Were Angry?
Everyone feels angry with someone else now and then. Being angry is OK — and nothing to apologize for — but knowing how to tell someone what made you angry is important.
When little kids are angry, they might hit or kick or scream. They don't have much self-control and they might not have learned yet that it's wrong to hit someone because they're upset. But as kids get bigger and can use words, they know better than to hit or kick or scream when they're angry. They learn to express their feelings with words. Of course, the words they say when they're angry might be stronger or louder than usual — but the words don't have to be mean. You can tell someone you're upset and why without putting that person down. You can be honest about how you feel without being unkind.
But sometimes anger takes over and kids might lose self-control. They might say mean things, lose their cool, and hit or push someone. Afterward, most kids realize that even if they were right to be angry, it is not OK to behave that way. That's when an apology is definitely needed.
Does Apologizing Fix Everything?
Saying I'm sorry when you need to is the right thing to do. It does a lot of good. But by itself, it might not be enough to make everything all better again. Sometimes along with an apology, a person needs to fix the mistake or say they will try to do better. Sometimes doing a nice thing for the person after you apologize helps show that you really are sorry and want to be friendly again.
Sometimes a heartfelt "I'm sorry" fixes everything right away. Other times, it might take a while for someone to feel friendly after you apologize. You might need to give the other person some time. Even after you say you're sorry, you might still feel bad about what you said or did — but you can feel good about apologizing and about making up your mind to do better.
When someone apologizes to you, you might not feel like being friendly again right away. Once in a while, if a person doesn't change, you might not want to be friends anymore. You might feel relieved and glad that the other person apologized and admitted being wrong. But if someone keeps behaving in mean ways or does something that keeps hurting, you might not feel the same way anymore. Just because someone apologizes to you doesn't mean you have to be friendly again. That part is up to you.
(articles taken from :
A Good Parents Empower Their Kids
Good Parents Empower Their Kids And All The Rest Enable
Although we were raised in the same household, my brother and I had very different childhoods. Sometimes I have to remind myself of this when I get frustrated with him. I feel like as an adult he should be able to take care of himself, pay bills, and be responsible and respectful. The problem is that he was not only enabled throughout childhood, but is continuing to be coddled by our mother and other relatives. As sad as it is for him, this fact gives me more ability to be a mother in such a way that prevents my children from being doomed to be dependent as an adult.
It's a very common situation. Parents want to take care of their children, it's a natural impulse. But it seems like many mothers misunderstand what it truly means to raise their children. You can't expect a child that has never had any responsibilities to grow into a responsible adult. Mothers especially fall into this trap. It is a vicious cycle, really. They feel like their child can't do something so they do it for him, but by not allowing him to try he never learns. The child that learns how to take care of himself feels empowered while the one that is taken care of feels incapable.
There will be times parenting that I fall into this trap, I'm sure. As a mother it is natural instinct to care for and nurture mychildren , I want to make them comfortable and happy. By remaining conscious of what will happen if I let this get out of control I am able to step back and let the kids try. If they do need help I will be right there to guide them, and they know that. But I know that guidance is all they truly need. I am committed to raising capable responsible adults.
Sometimes the children make this harder, as they can intuitively sense my impulse to jump in. I cannot count the number of times I've heard them ask, "Help please, Mommy," and I have to remind them that they know how to accomplish the task at hand. I am convinced by at least ensuring that they attempt things themselves and know that they are capable I am empowering them to feel strong and capable for the rest of their lives.
As parents used to tell their children on a regular basis, I won't always be around to take care of my kids. There may even be a time in the future that I need them to care for me. Regardless, I know it is my priority to raise capable children , ones that are contributing members of society. In order to contribute, they need to first be able to care for themselves. By allowing them to face life's daily challenges head-on while I whisper encouragement in their ear seems the best way to help them grow to meet this expectation I have set for them. One thing is for sure: my children are not enabled. (article taken from : www.readbud.com )
Although we were raised in the same household, my brother and I had very different childhoods. Sometimes I have to remind myself of this when I get frustrated with him. I feel like as an adult he should be able to take care of himself, pay bills, and be responsible and respectful. The problem is that he was not only enabled throughout childhood, but is continuing to be coddled by our mother and other relatives. As sad as it is for him, this fact gives me more ability to be a mother in such a way that prevents my children from being doomed to be dependent as an adult.
It's a very common situation. Parents want to take care of their children, it's a natural impulse. But it seems like many mothers misunderstand what it truly means to raise their children. You can't expect a child that has never had any responsibilities to grow into a responsible adult. Mothers especially fall into this trap. It is a vicious cycle, really. They feel like their child can't do something so they do it for him, but by not allowing him to try he never learns. The child that learns how to take care of himself feels empowered while the one that is taken care of feels incapable.
There will be times parenting that I fall into this trap, I'm sure. As a mother it is natural instinct to care for and nurture mychildren , I want to make them comfortable and happy. By remaining conscious of what will happen if I let this get out of control I am able to step back and let the kids try. If they do need help I will be right there to guide them, and they know that. But I know that guidance is all they truly need. I am committed to raising capable responsible adults.
Sometimes the children make this harder, as they can intuitively sense my impulse to jump in. I cannot count the number of times I've heard them ask, "Help please, Mommy," and I have to remind them that they know how to accomplish the task at hand. I am convinced by at least ensuring that they attempt things themselves and know that they are capable I am empowering them to feel strong and capable for the rest of their lives.
As parents used to tell their children on a regular basis, I won't always be around to take care of my kids. There may even be a time in the future that I need them to care for me. Regardless, I know it is my priority to raise capable children , ones that are contributing members of society. In order to contribute, they need to first be able to care for themselves. By allowing them to face life's daily challenges head-on while I whisper encouragement in their ear seems the best way to help them grow to meet this expectation I have set for them. One thing is for sure: my children are not enabled. (article taken from : www.readbud.com )
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